CHICAGO - Still traveling, this time in the Windy City.

Week 18
March 1, 2002 - Denver
"Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes"

Dear Thor:

Crunch, crunch, crunch…SSCRAAAAAPE!

My shovel pushes aside a fresh layer of snow, erasing the trail of steps that I just left behind. This is the second time that I'm shoveling my sidewalks today. Six inches have fallen already, and by the look of the skies, we might get six more. I stand to look at my front yard's virgin white landscape. It's hard for me to remember what my Life was like two weeks ago, although my memory occasionally flashes images of sunny beaches when it sputters to work. The whitewash of snow has numbed me, making my warm memories of enjoying New Zealand's summer season seem very far away right now.

People tell me that it's been a warm winter here in Colorado, but I'm having a hard time believing that right now. The wind slices through me, and I'm almost too cold to feel anything. I force my leaden limbs to move again as I return to my shoveling. I hope that this moving around will generate some body heat, but I fear that it will only raise my body temperature from icy cold to shivering. I've been cold ever since I've gotten back. I've never really liked the cold weather, but I grew up here, so I put up with it. However, I now understand why so many people purchase winter homes in Florida and Arizona.

Surprisingly, this is actually my "favorite day of the year." I believe that Spring begins on March 1st, not late March like the calendar says. Today is the day when I usually see the first signs of Spring. Flowers start popping out of the ground, tree buds begin bursting, and my neighborhood echoes with the sound of woodpeckers hammering away.

True to form, I've woken up every morning this week to my friendly woodpecker rattling on the heat vent. For some reason he thinks he'll actually find a juicy grub in that galvanized pipe sticking out of my roof. I've tried telling him that grubs don't live in mechanical housings, but he's stubborn I guess. And my crocuses have trumpeted the beginning of Spring. Of course, it's hard to see them right now under the pile of snow covering them, but I did see their triumphant burst of color a few days ago.

Spring is my favorite time of the year. New life is popping up everywhere and possibilities abound. It also means that everything is changing. I used to fear change. And I guess I still do to a certain extent. It's hard not to when you don't know what's around the corner. However, I'm learning that the only constant in Life is change. So to fear change is to fear Life, and that's not really an option that I choose right now.

So I choose to embrace change - to embrace Life. And that's why I chose to search for you.

It's funny, but my friends are all asking me if I "found" you. I struggle to answer that question because I didn't go on my travels to "find" you, I went on them to "search" for you. And I did…search for you that is. And in that, I am extremely happy with my "findings." However did I "find" you?

I know you're smiling right now. You know the answer. And so do I, which is why I'm smiling too. But it's not a simple "yes" or "no" answer. I've tried explaining to my friends that you are the great well of passion that fuels Life - the reason why I get up in the morning and charge forth through the day. You are the answer to every question, and the reason for every why. You are person…and a place and a thing... and an ACTION. A noun and a verb. And all the rainbow of adjectives and adverbs that give colour and flavour to our amazing world. You are the dream and the vision that makes the impossible realized.

My dear friend Mo explained you best when she said…

"When Thor comes into your life, there's no question, and you are forever left transformed. Thor waits for you to move out of the way so she can make things happen… Lightning and thunder. Thor breaks the room!"

I love that line. Which is why I don't think the Search for you ever ends. At least I hope it doesn't. Life is you. You are passion. Passion creates change. Change is life. Thunder and lightning. Thor breaks the room.

Speaking of change, I'm amazed at how Life sometimes runs full circle when I allow it. When I first started writing you, the first snow of the season had just fallen, and I was remarking at how change was in the air. Today, change literally is in the air. My brother David is moving out of my house after living with me for seven years. He just purchased a new home and is about to start his life on his own. Talk about scary! For him and for me! Seven years is a long time, and my home will seem awfully quiet without him.

Earlier, we were shoveling the snow in his driveway, and it occurred to me that I was forming one of those Life Memories that I will remember forever. Maybe that's what a parent feels like when sending a child off to school for the first time, but that moment caused me to get a little teary. And that's when I realized that I don't really need to travel to exotic locales to form meaningful memories. It's very possible to experience Life, passion, change, and you right here in my own backyard.

Thor, thanks for giving me the amazing opportunity to Search for you in every infinite moment of my Life. I look forward to running into again and again whenever I least expect it. Please be well, be present. And Namaste!

Scotty