Nepal – Everest

Week 6
November 30, 2001 - Nepal
"Overwhelmed"

Dear Thor:

T.M.I. Too much information.

I'm overloaded. Over-maxed. Overwhelmed.

I'm starting to shut down emotionally because I simply don't have the capacity to take in any more experiences. I'm going numb. Vacant. Zombie-like. I'm incapable of feeling anything.

And it pisses me off.

Ahhh an emotion. Good. Anger. A very human emotion. I have a lot to be angry about. The living conditions are terrible in Nepal. And that's why I'm here. To make a difference. To build a home for a family. An amazing family. You should see their first house. This family of six lives in a dirt shack that's less than 100 square feet. I can't even begin to describe how bad it is. But trust me, it's bad. Thankfully, we built them a brand new house. But it's just one house. Not enough to fill the needs of thousands of families who don't have adequate housing in this country. And this is a small country so I don't know how many hundreds of thousands of families need housing around the world. The sheer number is overwhelming. And that makes me mad.

And I'm pissed off about the terrorism and civil war that's erupted around me. Maoist rebels have literally blown up things a mile from me. I've seen ambushed trucks, bombed out factories, and a heightened police state that makes even the simplest walk around town a frightening experience. Everyone's on edge. Just waiting for the next gunshot or explosion or kidnapping. It's coming. You just don't know when. Or where. Or who.

I guess that's fear. Another emotion. I've been feeling a lot of that. The cities are teeming with it. Maybe it's the war. But it's terrifying just being on the roads. There are no sidewalks here. So everyone's on the road. Ox-carts, pedestrians, bicycles, motorcycles, tuk-tuks, taxis, and huge buses. And they all think they own it. So getting anywhere in the city is a huge cluster-fuck. Complete chaos. Honking and yelling and screaming. A Sea of Road Rage. Things dart in your way. And you swerve to miss it. Only to barely miss another thing. It's a constant battle of "Chicken." The larger vehicle usually wins. Usually. And I've learned that the two-lane roads have more than just two lanes. It's more like five. There's the gravel on the sides if you lose Chicken. And the center stripe that everyone uses to squeeze by each other. And everyone uses all five lanes. Sometimes at the same time within a 50 meter stretch.

You know someone's going to get hit. And hurt. You just don't know when. Or where. Or who.

And you also don't know when you'll be hit by random acts of senseless KINDNESS. And there are lots of examples of that. The Nepali people are beautiful. Both physically and spiritually. And they give with both hands. Flat out. No reservations. They appreciate you for just being you. Their greeting says it all. Every time they see you, they put their hands together in a prayer position and bow saying "Namaste." Translated it means, "the light and goodness within me sees and recognizes the light and goodness within you." And it's not just a simple greeting for them. They really mean it. Every time. So the sea smiling of kids who greeted me with Namaste's every morning at the build site was a great pick-me-up. And an emotional jolt to my system.

I guess that's happiness. I've been feeling a lot of that. And sometimes that alone is overwhelming. Like today, I saw Mount Everest. I had the opportunity to take a flight to see it up close, so I used the Christmas money that my brother gave me to buy the ticket. It's probably the best gift I've ever received. The whole Himalayan range is stunning. I can't even begin to explain what I saw. Words are inadequate. The scope and the beauty is just I don't know. I can't explain. And sitting a top of it all is Mount Everest. It's one thing to see it in pictures. It's another to be that close. Because you really don't see Everest. You feel it. I wished you could have been there to experience it with me. In fact, I wished everyone that I've ever met in my short 34 years could have been there. It was I don't know how to explain it

So I began to cry. Quietly at first. And then I couldn't stop the tears. I broke down. Completely. I don't know what I was feeling. But it was overwhelming. It could have been sadness. Maybe fear. Anger. Happiness? Perhaps all of them at once. But I couldn't stop the tears. I took a few pictures. But tears got in the way. So I just stared at Everest. The whole time. Until I couldn't see it any more. And then I cried some more.

I'm exhausted now. Drained. And relieved to be feeling a little more human. I'm going to stay inside my hotel room and give myself some "quiet time." I'm too overwhelmed to have any more Nepali experiences today.

I'll have plenty of Nepali experiences during the upcoming week. I leave tomorrow for Pokhara to begin a six-day trek around the Annapurna trail. Annapurna is along the western edge of the Himalayan Mountains, and the scenery there is reportedly more beautiful than Everest in the east.

Great! That's all I need. I'll be crying uncontrollably as I'm hiking the trail. Hopefully I'll have time to wipe away the tears to send you another update next week. Until then be well. Be present. And Namaste. And yes, I'm not just saying it. I really mean it.

;-)

Scotty